Goji Berries, ManNipples and Coming Out
by gingerOHHsnap
Summary: ...of the Closet. What happens when Poland and Liet take an "important business" trip to Seychelles? SeychellesxPoland, crack. Minor LietPol implied. This was written for catskid100's Ultimate Fanfiction Challenge for crack pairings.


**Title: Goji Berries, Man-Nipples, and Coming out of the Closet**

**Author: gingerOHHsnap**

**Rating: T**

**Pairing: Poland x Seychelles**

**Goji Berries, Man-Nipples, and Coming out of the Closet**

_Ah, the ocean breeze is, like, so refreshing!_

Whispy tips of gold hair fluttered around the slightly pink face of Poland as he looked around the port. Jade eyes glimmered with the reflection combating that of the sea as Feliks looked around in excitement. He'd never traveled to a tropical island before; none the less such a small, quaint one. The air was crisp with the smell of seasalt and fish, and the people were all wearing such cute, colorful clothes. It was like something right off of Survivor, or something! The only thing Poland could live without was the _heat_. The humidity was doing horrid things to his hair, and even his most perfumed deodorant wasn't blocking his sweat glands. Small beads of moisture were collecting on the brim of the blonde's collar; even though he was wearing more tropical clothing than usual, he was burning up. His salmon colored T-shirt and apricot pleated skirt (yes, even on vacation Feliks couldn't help but to crossdress) were far from what he'd wear back home in the brisk European climate.

"Toriiisssss," The Pole's effeminate tone cut through the hustling and bustling of the marketplace of the city. Poland looked over to his Lithuanian friend, following him father into the strange African nation of Seychelles. "Are we, like, _there _yet? It's hoooottt out heerreeeeee!"

Lithuania sighed, this having been only the fifth time Poland had complained. Shaking his head in exasperation, he closed his eyes a bit as Feliks began to incessantly tug on the sleeve of his shirt. Lithuania himself was much more used to the warm climate, having been in America for quite a while now. He was clad in a thin, mint dress top and some khaki shorts. Sure, it was warm here compared to America, but it wasn't dreadful. In fact, the tropical atmosphere was quite nice. Looking behind him to Feliks, Toris sighed and stopped walking to turn and face his companion.

"Feliks, if you didn't want to come you could have stayed at home." He said, feeling a bit bad regardless of this that Poland was suffering on behalf of him. "I just have to take care of some business for America here. We should be done in around an hour," He looked around and glanced over the map he had unfolded.

"Here," Toris sighed, looking at his friend. "I have to go into that building there. Why don't you find something to drink?" He said, gesturing to the marketplace. Poland sighed in return as the Lithuanian walked off to do his work. Looking around with the money he'd been given in hand, he spotted a small stand a couple of feet away. Walking over and examining the menu, Feliks frowned.

Well, even though Poland knew the language he was reading, he didn't recognize more than half of the ingredients on this list. What the hell was a Goji? He assumed it was fruit since it was on a list of other normal things like apples and oranges…That, or this country was in the black market for lizard smoothies, because that's what it _sounded _like. Deciding to be adventurous, since that's what was trendy nowadays, Feliks asked the man at the desk kindly for a 'Tropical mixed Goji smoothie berry supreme'. He turned around with the strange beverage and looked around, boredly. Sure, this island was "totally cool" and everything, but now that Feliks was by himself he was sort of bored.

His eyes scanned the area. Around him were all of the natives of the island; an old, gray man was making some sort of wood carving by the dock, a rather big boned woman was selling fruit by the shore, and on a small wall bordering the seashore sat a small, petite figure holding a fishing pole almost twice her size.

_This place is totally filled with weirdos…_Everyone's walking around, like, in such, revealing clothes! He thought to himself, although he wasn't one to talk. _Whoever watches over this place is probably a total pervert. _Watching the small brunette reel in what seemed be a very large fish under the water, he squinted. _And what on earth is a child doing fishing?_

Suddenly Feliks's thought process broke as the small figure he'd been watching vanished. He barely managed to catch the image of a small ponytail falling from view, and realized that she must have fallen. His first thought was something along the lines of 'Oh no, her hair is going to be totally ruined…' but then he realized he didn't exactly know how deep the water was beneath her. In his distraction he'd dropped his Goji mixed-- no, his tropical smoothie Goji-- no, his berry Goji-- his _whatever it's called _all over himself. Quickly running over to the ledge, he looked over. No one else seemed to have noticed the petite girl fall in, as Poland looked around for anyone possibly more masculine than himself to help out.

_Ugh, I liked this shirt_. He thought as he pulled the smoothie coated disaster off of his head and quickly leaped over the ledge. Gracefully-- or at least, graceful for Poland-- Feliks dove into the water and sent ripples flying in every direction.

_Ew!! Who put __salt__ into the water? _Poland squinted to open his eyes in the sting of the salt. He figured it must have been some stupid tourism tactic to make the fish taste better, or something…but it sure wasn't good for swimming in. Looking around under the water, soon he spotted the blurry figure of a small girl struggling against the current. Quickly striding towards her, Feliks surprised himself by heroically grabbing the girl into his arms and swimming to shore. It was a much more manly experience than he'd expected.

The two had fell into a panting heap upon the shore, making for a rather interesting sight for those around him. Water dripped down from the blonde locks on Poland's head to the tanned, young face of Seychelles. She opened her chestnut eyes and saw the man above her, immediately flushing. For a moment it seemed like some sort of awkward romance novel fantasy; the sun setting right behind the fetching, blonde man… Water dripping from every part of his torso, his well sculpted body glistening from his shoulders right down to his hips-- which were covered by a schoolgirl skirt???

"W-W-What the hell??" She said, her eyes darting from the petite skirt covering his hips (only barely, now that it was wet), and the exposed nipples above her face. She quickly took a dripping finger out from the sand next to her and poked one of the small, Polish nipples with a grimace. "And I thought my boobs were tiny…"

Feliks flushed and put a hand on his hip, still unknowingly straddling the girl below him.

"I'm not a girl, stupid! Like, why would you even think that?" Oh yeah, the skirt. "A-Anyway, like, who taught a 10 year old to talk like that?? It's totally rude!" Poland looked down at the girl, her dark hair flushed out around her head. She looked kind of like a mermaid…. Especially since for some reason, Poland couldn't see her legs--

"Would you get off of me??" Seychelles finally pushed, quite violently, the man off of her and stood up, brushing the sand from her dress. "I'm not a freaking 10 year-old, you dumbass. I'm almost an adult. _You _talk like a blubbering little girl."

"Like, whatever. Who are you anyway?" Poland huffed, standing up as well. You could tell he hit a nerve, because as soon as the words escaped his mouth Seychelles began to throw a tantrum.

"What do you _mean _who am I???? You're _inside _of me, you idiot!!!" There was an awkward silence.

"….that's what she said." He said, covering his mouth with a hand and holding back a snicker. Seychelles only turned even more red and began to walk away. "Hey, like, come back. You're, like, the one who said it! Oh, come on, Seychelles. I, like, totally knew who you were."

He didn't, but it was the best he could say.

Seychelles stopped and clenched a fist. "Yeah, whatever. I knew who you were. You European countries are all jerks…" Poland sighed, feeling a bit guilty about it all. As Seychelles began to walk off, Poland began to follow her.

"Ugh, okay. I'm, like, totally sorry. How about to make up for it, you like, totally give me a tour of your island?" He said, grinning widely. A tour from a native would be a good way to spend his downtime waiting for Toris. Watching as she turned to him with her hands on her hips and a scowl, he grimaced as she began yelling again.

"Only someone as stupid as _you _would think spending more time with you would be a good way to pay me back." She said, but her scowl faltered as she looked at the stupid grin and dripping skirt of the blonde idiot in front of her. She sighed, and shook her head. "But I guess I could show you one place. Come with me first."

Poland followed the island girl to a nearby building, where the two of them both got new clothes. This time Poland was given shorts, rather than a skirt, and a white t-shirt. Seychelles just got another dress to match her wet one. They then proceeded to venture into the island up a long, winding path. The path was lined with forest and the further they went into it, the less of the city lights they could see. Soon they reached the top of what seemed to be a small tropical mountain.

"Are we _there _yet??? We've been walking for, like, an _hour_!!" He said, complaining for what seemed like the 15th time. Seychelles just ignored him this time as they reached their destination, and Seychelles smiled.

The top was absolutely beautiful. It overviewed the entire island and scoped the ocean brilliantly. The area, now dark, was filled with fireflies and had a large spring filled with all sorts of plants and fish. She walked over to a small grass clearing large enough for around two and a half bodies. She sat down and patted the spot next to her. The growing nighttime and the walk had seemed to calm her anger as she looked around the scenery with a grin.

"This is the summit of the island. Not many people come up here, and I don't let any of the tourguides bring people up here. Stupid Americans would just trash up the place…" She said as Poland sat down next to her, looking around in awe.

"Like, what is that?" He asked, pointing to a bush filled with small, almost glowingly red fruits. Seychelles picked one and looked at it for a moment. "Is it, like, poisonous? I totally almost ate a poisonous berry once, it was--" Seychelles had poked the fruit into Poland's talking mouth, and at first his eyes widened with fear before recognizing the taste and slowly chewing the fruit.

"It's Goji." She said, smiling. "It's a berry that not many European countries export from here… It's sort of an islander secret, but other places have them too."

"Oh!" Feliks said, swallowing the last of the berry. "I, like, totally had a smoothie with that earlier… I forgot what I did with it though." Seychelles laughed a bit, remembering smelling remnants of the smoothie on the skirt he'd left at her house when they changed.

"Why do you dress like a girl, Feliks? …Are you gay?" The brunette giggled a bit at the thought. Like any other teenage girl, she found gay guys extremely cute. Feliks promptly shook his head though.

"What? Like, totally not. I just, like, think girls clothes are totally cute." He said, nodding defiantly. Seychelles raised an eyebrow and moved closer to the blonde.

"Really? Because you also talk like a girl….and you always hang around with that Lithuania guy…" She said, brushing her hand over the Polish man's leg and leaning close to his face. Feliks blinked a bit, and shook his head rapidly.

"N-No! Toris and I, are like, totally besties. We could never-- What are you doing?" He asked as Seychelles began stroking his hair softly with her hand. This was getting a bit too weird for Feliks, and he could feel his heart beating at a strange pace. The place was dark, and the only sound around them was that of the crickets and ocean. It was a romantic setting, the stars shining onto them like some sort of sappy movie-- the day had been spent with a life-threatening experience, a stubborn girl who eventually lightened up, and feeding one another fruit….. The only thing that could be happening now was..

_The sex scene! _Poland's mind raced with thoughts as he realized this. He'd seen way too many romance movies to not realize this was exactly what was happening-- a blockbuster-worthy romance. Was he being filmed right now? Was this some sort of new reality show? Feliks's thoughts about what he should wear to the premier were interrupted when Seychelles spoke again.

"Why don't you prove it to me." She said.

"W-What?" He said, having forgotten what they were originally talking about.

"Prove you're not gay… Kiss me." She said, her face drawing very close to Feliks's now. Poland faltered a bit, not knowing what to do. He'd never had a girl throw himself at him like this befo-- I mean, of course he had. Feliks was quite the ladies man, and he simply had never…erm…been with one who was…this….tan. It was a very new experience.

"A-Alright, like, if you say so…" He said, leaning forward and lightly pecking her on the forehead. "Haha, see, there. That waaaasss riveting. Oh boy, like, you are totally attractive, I could barely resist there. Hahaha,"

Truthfully, Feliks was feeling butterflies in his stomach at the moment. Seychelles was a very striking island beauty… Why was she throwing herself out like this? He was extremely self conscious, what did his hair look like? Did he smell weird? What if his breath smelled like Goji? Was that a good thing? Were Goji's aphrodisiacs? He definitely felt a bit more anxious than usual.

"No, I mean _kiss _me, Feliks," She said, suddenly putting her hands onto Poland's shoulders and pushing him to the ground. She moved over him and straddled his hips, bending herself over the blonde's body and pressing her smooth, tan lips against his. Poland was stunned. First he was confused, and after a moment he closed his eyes and moved his hands across the sand and placed them hesitantly onto Seychelles' hips. He began moving his mouth with hers, and after a moment his hesitant actions had been replaced with affectionate, rhythmic movements. The feeling was slimy…yet, pleasant? She smelled good…. And her skin was soft.

"Mmph, Feliks…." Seychelles voiced through the snogging. Feliks opened his eyes barely, gathering his thoughts as they'd been moving as fast as his heart.

"..Hm?" He said, blinking a bit.

"Were you doing something before we came here…?" She asked, looking up at him. Feliks blinked for a second, then for another second, then after what seemed like a grueling thought process the Pole's eyes widened with realization.

"Oh, like, shit. Toris."

The walk back down the mountain took around an hour, partially because of the distance, and partially because of Feliks's exhaustion. Walking and snogging and whatnot…it took up a lot of energy. When they began to catch sight of some of the lights, Seychelles looked up at Feliks.

"You know, maybe you aren't that stupid…" She said, her face a bit pink. Feliks blinked, then smiled a bit. "But you never did thank me for saving you from that fall." Seychelles continued, looking over at him with an amused smile.

"What? Oh yeah, thanks for that. I, like, totally don't even remember how I fell in-- Hey _wait a second_!" He said, realizing she'd tricked him. She teasingly stuck her tongue out and Feliks shoved her playfully. The two pushed back and forth until Seychelles ran off towards the village, and Poland chased after her in jest. The two continued their one-sided game of tag all the way until the place where Toris would have been waiting for him. The sun was coming up, and as Poland noticed this he grimaced.

"Shit, I was supposed to be back here after, like, an hour." He said, frowning.

"Well, I should probably get to bed. I'll leave you to get yelled at….." She said, smiling a bit. Right as Poland began to wave and turn away, Seychelles reached up and kissed him on the cheek, standing on her tiptoes. Poland blinked a bit.

"You never answered my question…" She said as Poland went into the building. He stopped at the door and looked back at her with a hand on his hip………

----

Poland had lucked out.

Lithuania was next to him on the shipride back to Europe, pouring over what seemed to be a mound of paper work. It turned out that right as Poland went inside the room, Toris began apologizing first thing. Apparently, at that time in the morning Lithuania was _still _working on Alfred's business!!!! Apparently the extremely urgent work he'd been sent to do had taken all night and Lithuania hadn't even realized Poland left the dock.

Sitting on the chair next to the ocean, Poland's eyes were sleepy and his thoughts far, far away from their boat. He looked up for a moment at his comrade.

"Why on earth would Alfred order 10,000 hamburger buns and send me with 40 dollars???" Lithuania muttered, his eyes droopy and his fingers running through his hair. He looked up at the blonde, blinking for a moment. "Yes, Feliks? Do you need something?"

"Oh, um…yeah. I have something to tell you." He said, his thoughts reeling. Lithuania looked at him with a worried expression and urged him to continue. "Well….Seychelles and I sort of did some stuff last night…"

"W-What? Well, erm, congratulations Poland? I suppose she is quite pretty…. But what's wrong? …. You didn't get her pregnant, or something did yo--"

"_I think I might be gay."_


End file.
